I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
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