Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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