wat bout pragnant strippers??
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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