Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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