Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
