don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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