you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
