Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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