The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
this is an emotional support booty call
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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