wat bout pragnant strippers??
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
