I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
