Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
