ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
