Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Let's paint friendship bongs
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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