Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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