in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I woke up under a house in Key West
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
