Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
