She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
