I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
