He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
