I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
