I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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