what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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