Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
