he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
