shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
