i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
