so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
