he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
