thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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