And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
