You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Boobs are out for the taking
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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