im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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