so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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