I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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