You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
