Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
