My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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