yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
