He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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