I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
