i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
