One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
