hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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