I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize