I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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