they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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