She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
you had me at cake vodka
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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