1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I wish I only lived at night.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
