i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
farters have to be the big spoon...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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