I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
