We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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