He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
