Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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