Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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