Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
