if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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