You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
