do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
