She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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