I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
