i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This is the high leading the old right now
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
