I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I would ride that face into the sunset
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
