went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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