Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
