Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
