At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
