you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize