My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
