I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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