she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
