um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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