We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
