I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
