consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
