i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
