dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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