:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
