Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
