chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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