I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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