Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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