i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I looked at my own cervix.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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