i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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