Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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