omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
