If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
