i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize