No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
