I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
