Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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