i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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