I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
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