Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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