glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
