bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize