so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
