One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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