I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize